Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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