Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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