I smell stomach acid.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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