Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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