dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
