my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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