why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
