I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
