Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
