Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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