Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
