kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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