sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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