WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
