Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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