as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
