I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
