you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
