I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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