he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
