dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
