My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
