just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
