I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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