Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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