I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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