I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
