I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize