Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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