He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to calm my uterus...
did i just pee glitter
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
