if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
