i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
