the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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