I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
