Are we in a gay sports bar?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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