just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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