nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
