If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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