It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
