i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Please don't give away my fajitas
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
