wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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