Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
