Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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