He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
