My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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