Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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