Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
