i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
