Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
