He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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