I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
