I'd wear matching sweaters with you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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