I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
