There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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