I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
