just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
