the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
