Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
