sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
