I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
