I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
