some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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