Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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