i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
