Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
