He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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