Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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