if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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