My first STD was from a foam party
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
