school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
