I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
