she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
