I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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