Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
