I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
