In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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