I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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