dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
