The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
