I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Holy sore nipples Batman
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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