How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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