What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
