omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
