If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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