Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
