This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
