he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
