wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
