Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
