Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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