he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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