rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
