sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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