either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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