remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
