I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize