Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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