That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
