I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
