I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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