I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
