respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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